Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
