I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
