Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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