I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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