I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
