Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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