worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
