im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize