just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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