We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
