You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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