WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
