Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
