I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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