I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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