I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
