Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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