...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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