If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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