he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
