So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
