the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
