I'm jealous of your bromance
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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