Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I will be naked everywhere
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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