Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
