You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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