I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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