I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
