The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
false alarm. still invincible.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
