I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
