"it" just moved
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
