I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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