yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My dick has a subreddit
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
