my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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