I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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