first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
