Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
