CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
sarcasm needs its own font
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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