I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize