so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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