i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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