Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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