I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize