Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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