I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
