Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
