He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
