Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
