i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I look better un-naked...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
