Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
