I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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