Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I use my feet as sexual weapons
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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