I wish i was in the wii world.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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