What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
