she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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