tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
