I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
A+ Viking dick
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
