he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
