look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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