apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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