UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
