the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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