I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
