His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
