Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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